Everything wrong with the Loud House
by CannedCan
Summary: No episode is without sins. No Such Luck? Head Poet's Anxiety? It doesn't matter. So I'm here, to destruct everything you dreamt! And oursecond victim... No Such Luck! AHAHA-HAH!
1. No Such Luck

**Everything Wrong With**

 **No Such Luck!**

 **Spoilers!**

 **(duh I know you are already expert at this episode)**

* * *

(Loud house intro)

 **1 minute of intro.** **\- 1**

(Title card appears, No Such Luck)

 **Using word Luck. I just hate luck personally** **, and with all those times I lost dice game.** **\- 2**

Lori: Hey, you guys! Don't forget my golf tournament's this afternoon!

 **Why do you tell this right in this morning? What if someone already got another appointment?** **\- 3**

 **Oh yeah I forgot, families except Lincoln didn't have friends till this episode.** **\- 3**

Lori: You're all going to be there to support me, right?

(everyone cheers)

 **Imagine what would happen if your 10 younger sisters play and mess on the golf field, as well as your golf game.** **\- 4**

Lola: And after that, you're all coming to my charity fashion show, right?

(everyone cheers again)

 **Golf field is pretty far... So you're immediately going to fashion show after sweating a shit off in the sunlight?** **\- 5**

 **Also, that two event somehow doesn't overlap, like a miracle.** **\- 6**

 **And why you have to hold beauty pageant for charity? I'm starting to think that that's no good charity.** **\- 7**

Lucy: And after that, don't forget my grave-digging competition.

 **Is that really a feature?** **\- 8**

 **And what's that for?** **I think Lynn and Lana will do it better since it's just digging. Or are they really using corpse?** **\- 9**

 **Looks like I unlocked a lot of things with NSL AU fanfics by digging this plain start scene.** **\- 10**

(everyone cheers, while Lincoln just crawls under the table and escapes)

Lily: Inkin'!

 **Nobody notices. Even it's a rare case of Lily speaking a word.** **\- 11**

 **Also how did she know he was there? Does she have ultimate hearing or something?** **\- 12**

Lincoln: Shh!

(he notices Lily's bottle on the fridge, and puts her in Lana's skateboard, making her arrive right in front of the fridge and the bottle drops. Lincoln catches the chance and runs to the living room)

 **Oh no, I have to stop you right here... how does he look up? Because everytime when I tried to do it I hit my head on the table.** **\- 13**

 **And a magical skateboard that makes no noise!** **\- 14**

 **Wait, who rides skateboard in this house? - 15**

 **And it was breakfast and no one was feeding Lily!** **\- 16**

Lincoln: (to the viewers) I know what you're thinking. "Lincoln, why are you running away from your sisters" activities?"

 **It became season 2, Lincoln. You're not the only protagonist anymore.** **\- 17**

 **And also, no one hears this?** **\- 18**

Lincoln: Well, you don't know my life.

 **We watched whole season focused on you. And there's still thing to make you look like more miserable?** **\- 19**

(cuts to a calendar, which shows days full of schedule)

Lincoln: With ten sisters, my calendar's booked everyday with stuff. I'm supposed to go to rodeos, pageants, open mic nights... once in a while, a guy just needs some time to himself.

 **Seriously, everyday? Oh I'm starting to have pity. Let's remove a sin for this poor boy.** **\- 18**

 **But wait, if there's that much schedule, you can just have meeting, cause everyone would be tired as well! Suck it, man with a plan!** **\- 19**

(suddenly, Lynn pops in front of him)

Lynn: Hey, Lincoln! You're coming to my softball game today, right?

 **So golf tournament, digging and pageant is cancelled? Or they're going to all 4 places?!** **\- 20**

 **And why no one also hears this and comes to ask him again?** **\- 21**

Lincoln: Dang it. Should've done a head count.

 **He didn't learn by Left in the Dark at all.** **\- 22**

Lincoln: Actually, Lynn, I've got some important business to attend to. Like Ace Savvy VS the Card Shark.

 **Really good excuse to someone who doesn't like nerdish stuffs at all.** **\- 23**

Lynn: Lame. My team has won our last six games, and you're the only member of this family who hasn't come out to support me.

 **Impossible! Only Ronnie Anne can say lame to Lincoln!** **\- 24**

 **Also she did head counting? Wow, that's actually smarter than Lincoln!** **\- 25**

Lincoln: That's because I was supporting six other sisters at their things. Sorry, Lynn, I just can't do it today.

Lynn: (holds her bat, like threatening) Sure you won't reconsider?

 **That gives prejudice to athletes.** **\- 26**

 **And Lincoln you're not caught in this situation only once.** **You were in the house with like 3 extreme sisters and you never thought of escaping physical harm?** **\- 28**

(His familes and Bobby are in the bleachers, and Lincoln is not that happy)

Mascot: Let's do this!

 **Just a teenage team of softball have mascot?** **Who the hell would volunteer to do it?** **\- 29**

Announcer: Well, it's a beautiful day at the park. Isn't it, Pep?

Pep: (unenergetic) Oh, sure it is.

Announcer: It's the bottom of the ninth with the Royal Woods Squirrels up 3-nothing. Could this be another shoutout for star pitcher Lynn Loud?

 **Wait, ninth? But the announcer's saying like it was on first!** **\- 30**

(the crowd cheers, and Lynn waves her hand to her family)

(Then she does her ritual, lifts her leg, turns her cap, tosses some dirt on her right shoulder and pats her right cheek)

 **Lynn must have tried many pose, so now she's doing all poses that she believes to bring good luck. Or, she's just paranoid.** **\- 31**

 **Also no one ever thought of distracting her ritual? Don't you know the 'mental attack' strategy?** **\- 32**

Lynn: (does cossack dance) Hutta-hut! Hutta-hut!

 **Someone take her to TF2 mercenaries.** **\- 33**

Announcer: Hey, Pep, you believe there's anything to these kinds of superstitions?

Pep: I don't know.

Announcer: Well, here's the windup and the pitch.

(Lynn throws the ball, but the oppositing batter slams it out of the park)

 **Last round cliche. Enough said.** **\- 34**

Announcer: Ooh! Looks like the softball gods did not love that Cossack dance.

(And the other team hits 3 more times, beating Lynn's team)

 **And another cliche. This is not a problem to blame Lincoln's bad luck, but a problem to find out how they got good luck.** **\- 35**

* * *

(Lynn is looking down, due to losing the game)

Lincoln: Hey sis. I'm really sorry you lost.

(Lynn yelps and hides behind the dumpster)

Lincoln: Hey.

Lynn: (holding rotten banana peel) Stay back! You are bad luck! (throws peel at Lincoln)

 **Ok ok. Calm down fanfictioners. So I'm adding 7 sins for this, because if I don't do that I might be bullied by the whole Loud House community.** **\- 42**

Lincoln: What are you talking about?

Lynn: My team has been dominating all season, then the one time you show up, we lose!

 **I experienced this a lot of times before. When I show up, everything strangely screws up. And Lynn you didn't experienced it for this time? Or it simply means she was good luck enough.** **\- 43**

 **Also discount Murphy's Law.** **\- 44**

Lincoln: That's ridiculous. I'm not bad luck.

Lynn: Yeah-huh, you are! Which is why I'm banning you from all future games. Now scram! I have to make things right with the softball gods. (does cossack dance again)

 **Animators really love cossak dance.** **\- 45**

(Back in the house)

Leni: Lincoln! Are you coming to my charity fashion show? It's for a great cause: oysters without pearls.

Lynn: Leni! No! He'll ruin your fashion show just like he ruined my winning streak! HE'S BAD LUCK!

 **'Our' fashion show. Weren't you selfish, Lynn? Just make sure he don't go to 'yours'.** **\- 46**

Lincoln: Oh, come on, Lynn! That is absolutely... (gets an idea) ...true. (to the viewers) I think I may be onto something here. (to leni) Leni, I'd love to go to your fashion show, but I'd hate for my bad luck to make you trip, or jam a zipper, or break a heel...

Leni: Horror! Maybe you should sit this one out.

Lincoln: I'll be there in spirit.

 **Wait, isn't it his spirit that causes bad luck?** **\- 47**

Lana: Hey, Linc, you coming to my alligator-wrestling match?

 **That match doesn't have age constraint? Where's child protectment law?** **\- 48**

Leni: (pulls Lana, paranoid) Don't invite Lincoln! He could make your alligator trip, or jam its zipper, or break a heel!

Lana: what?

Leni: He's bad luck.

Lincoln: (feigning) I can't deny it.

 **Of course you can't.** **\- 49**

(Cuts to Lola)

Lincoln: Sure, Lola. I'll come to your pageant. I just hope my bad luck doesn't make your hair go flat.

 **He was waiting to say this?** **\- 50**

(to Luan)

Lincoln: I'd love to attend your performance. I'm just afraid my bad luck might cause a clown car collision.

 **They have a clown car? I've never seen one driving in actual circus.** **\- 51**

Lincoln: Oh, Lily, I sure would like to come to your play date, but I'd hate for my bad luck to cause a boo-boo.

 **Lincoln, Lily can't ask you to come, you can just ignore her. So... why did you do that?** **\- 52**

Lisa: Pshaw. There's no such thing as bad luck. There's only science. All else is hooey.

 **Roll-credits.** **\- 53**

Lori: Lisa literally has a point. You're coming to my tournament, Lincoln. This family supports each other.

Lincoln: You're right. I'm being silly. Let me get those for ya. (gets Lori's golf club) whoa whoa whoa! (trips over to the bathroom, and many crashing sound could be heard; comes out with a club dented)

Lori: My sand wedge! You are bad luck! You are literally uninvited to my tournament.

 **Nobody catches his intended action?** **\- 54**

Lisa: I retract my earlier statement. BACK, YE CURSED WRETCH! And don't even think about attending my lecture series on thermodynamics!

 **One proof-done. Without any re-checking. I doubt she has ever written a proper thesis.** **\- 55**

Lincoln: (looking at their family leaving) (sarcastically) sorry to miss it all!

(slides back into house, he's wearing sunglasses and white clothes like a star)

Lincoln: Who's unlucky? I'm unlucky! Who's unlucky? I'm unlucky!

 **I've seen Lincoln doing a lot of shit by himself, but this is getting out of hand. One more episode and I guess the writers will make him look like real idiot.** **\- 56**

(reading comics in underwear in everywhere of the house) Tough break, Card Shark. Looks like Ace Savvy just called your bluff!

 **Someone can see you if you're outside of your house.** **\- 57**

 **Also he reads one book for that long period ? Switch place 5 times like he has some anxiety disorder?** **\- 58**

(The next day, Lincoln's breakfast is on the desk in front of TV)

Lincoln: What the? Why is my breakfast on the coffee table?

 **When did you started calling it coffee table?** **\- 59**

Rita: Oh, sorry, sweetheart, but would you mind eating breakfast in the living room today?

Lynn Sr: I've got a big presentation and your mother's got back-to-back root canal patients. We-we can't risk your bad luck spreading to us.

Lincoln: Just another perk of the bad luck life. Now I can play video games while I eat.

 **Wait, if he can play games, it means there's lots of free time, and it means it's Saturday or Sunday. They have presentation and big surgery in weekends? That job is bad.** **\- 60**

(cuts to night)

Rita: Come on, kids! The movie starts in half an hour!

Lincoln: Dibs on holding the popcorn!

Lynn Sr.: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast, son. I wish you could come, but with your bad luck, who knows what could go wrong?

Lola: The movie could sell out!

 **You are watching with 11 people, but don't mind anyone isolated like 10 seats away? Why didn't you buy tickets in advance?** **\- 61**

Luna: I could get stuck behind some lady with a beehive!"

Lisa: Someone could get scalded with molten butter!

Lynn Sr.: I didn't even think of that one! Sorry, kiddo.

Lincoln: Oh...no problem. You guys have fun.

Leni: Don't worry. I'll tell you how the movie ends.

 **"No Spoilers" Spoiler.** **\- 62**

Lincoln: Eh, what's missing one movie when it means having more awesome me time?

 **The show's too lazy to create movie names.** **\- 63**

Lincoln: (Not looking fun) Who's unlucky? I'm unlucky. Who's unlucky. I'm unlucky. Take that, Wild Card Willy. Ace Savvy just dealt you some justice.

(pulls out milk, but puts it back away)

(Later, he gets ready for the bed, but his door is boarded with hazard tape.)

Lincoln: (reads the note) Sorry, Lincoln, but you can't sleep here tonight, we can't just risk it? Are you kidding me?!

 **Why are they doing it now? I mean... they could have already done it right after they realized he was bad luck. Did they do some serious discussion about his luck in the movie?** **\- 64**

Everyone: No!

 **No.** **\- 65**

(Lincoln goes outside to Charles' home)

Lincoln: Hey, buddy, think I could bunk here for the night? (charles growls at him)Et tu, Charles?"

(he looks around to sleep. Next day, he was seen sleeping on a pile of leaves)

 **Where did all that leaves come from? I'm pretty sure there are few trees around his house...** **\- 66**

 **And with all that leaves it means it's fall, so with that shirt he must get at least hypothermia. But he didn't even get cold.** **\- 67**

(Lincoln shakes out acorns in his clothes, shoos the squirrel and goes to the back to back door)

 **I'm more** **sure that they didn't have acorn trees.** **\- 68**

Lincoln: Guys? I think you accidentally locked me out!

(while inside the house)

Rita:Kids, we've got a special treat for you! Since your father's presentation went so well...

Lynn Sr.: And your mother's root canals, too...

Rita: ...we thought we'd celebrate with a trip to the beach tomorrow.

 **Yay! Did that even exist on this show?** **\- 69**

(The sisters all cheer)

Lincoln: We're going to the beach tomorrow?

Lynn Sr.: Oh gosh. Sorry, son. Not you. Someone could get attacked by a shark.

Lynn: Or caught in a riptide.

Luna: Or Stung by a Jellyfish.

Lana: If that happens, I call peeing on the wound!

 **As you know... that's wrong way.** **\- 70**

Lincoln: Come on, guys! Be reasonable!

Lola: You're bad luck, Lincoln! You can't come!(shuts the door)

Lincoln: (to viewers)...I think I brought this on myself.

(Lincoln approaches the front yard with a megaphone)

 **Where'd and how'd he get it? Did they give him survival money so he could buy supplies?** **\- 71**

Lincoln: attention, the loud family! (fixes it) I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE!

(Everyone pops up at front window)

 **Wait but... Some of rooms are not connected to front window. So how could they all appear at the same time, even though some of them should walk into other room?** **\- 72**

Lincoln: CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, I AM NOT BAD LUCK. I JUST LET YOU GUYS BELIEVE THAT SO I COULD GET OUT OF GOING TO YOUR STUFF. IT WAS A REALLY SELFISH THING TO DO. WE ALL NEED TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER. I'M REALLY SORRY.

Mr. Grouse: Nice confession, Loud!

Lynn: If you're not bad luck, then how come after I banned you, my team won our doubleheader, and now, we're going to the playoffs? Huh?

Mr. Grouse: She's got you there, Loud!

Lincoln: COULD YOU PLEASE JUST GO BACK INSIDE?

(Everyone agrees with Lynn)

Lynn Sr.: Sorry, buddy!

Rita: Sorry, honey!

(The family closes the curtains)

 **Alright again, I have to add 3 sins, due to some sort of 'peer pressure'.** **\- 75**

Lincoln: Ugh, Lynn and her superstitions! As long as she thinks I'm bad luck, I'm doomed. I have to find a way to prove her wrong. (Shakes out more acorns out of pants) Dang squirrel! Squirrel. Hmm...

(In the softball playoff, Bobby and the family are there to support her. There is a squirrel mascot)

Lola: What's with that squirrel today? His choreography is so dated."

Mascot:(familiar voice)Hey, man! You try dancing in this heat!

 **So where did the original mascot go?** **\- 76**

Lincoln: (in the suit) My plan is simple: I watch the game in disguise, and when the Squirrels win, everyone will see I'm not bad luck.

 **The answer is RNGod. This tells us an important lesson - luck does all. How convinient!** **\- 77**

(five minutes later)

Announcer: Talk about bad luck. Everything is going wrong with the Squirrels today. What do you think, Pep?

Pep: I think I've wasted my life.

Announcer: Just look at our poor squirrels!

 **Wait, they're rematching? Or not why do they have same announcers?** **\- 78**

(Lynn's team is losing miserably. The score is 3:0, with Lynn's team 0.)

Announcer: Two outs in the bottom of the ninth, and the bases are loaded. Lynn Loud steps up to the plate, but with the luck she's been having today, the Squirrels are looking a whole lot like roadkill.

Luna:Way harsh, dude!

(Lynn swings and misses)

Umpire: Strike one!

Lincoln: (scared) Lynn's right! I am bad luck!

(Lynn misses again)

Umpire: Strike two!

Lincoln: Maybe I can move into Lisa's fallout shelter. Lead walls will keep my bad luck from affecting anyone.

 **If that existed, why did you slept outside last night?** **\- 79**

 **Also it isn't seen for the rest of the episodes except a few. - 80**

Baseball announcer: And the pitch! (Lynn hits the ball, and it flies far away)

Baseball announcer: It's going...it's going...IT'S GONE! LYNN LOUD HITS A GRAND SLAM! SQUIRRELS WIN! SQUIRRELS WIN!

(The families and Bobby cheer for Lynn)

(Lynn finishes her run and gets picked up by her family for celebration)

Families: CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ROCKED IT, LYNN-SANITY!

(Lincoln in disguise joins them)

Lola: Um, do you mind, fur ball? This is a family moment.

Lincoln: Guys, it's me! (revealing his head) I was here the whole time! This proves it. I'm not bad luck.

Lynn: Oh my gosh, you're right. Wow, Lincoln, I'm really sorry.

(The rest of the family apologizes)

Rita: Sorry we sold all your furnitures.

Lincoln: Wait, what?

 **Gentlemen, you're witnessing 'how one carelessly written line can be taken as seriously as possible in a family show'** **. - 81**

 **Also how can she sell all of it in a day? And Lincoln couldn't see her carrying his bed out?** **\- 82**

(On the beach)

Lincoln: Well, my family doesn't think I'm bad luck anymore. In fact, now they think I'm good luck.

Lola: Hey, Lincoln! (shouting) Put thehead back on before we get stung by a jellyfish!

(the test of the family is enjoying)

Lincoln: But unfortunately, only when I'm in the squirrel suit. (sighs in exasperation and puts head back)

 **So what lesson do we get here? Get some random dice god? beware your suit can steal all your fame?** **\- 83**

 **Also completely independent ending that has nothing to do with timeline. 'Loudest mission' hates this episode.** **\- 84**

 **Total Sins:** **84**

 **One Sentence: RNG**

* * *

 **BONUS ROUND**

multiply for the numbers of all fanfics using no such luck!

Fanfic search result: 87 fanfics (bruh smaller than I thought)

 **Total sins: 84 X 87 = 7308**

 **BONUS ROUND 2**

X2 for every time when word 'luck' is used in this episode!

Title card - 1

Lynn: You are bad Luck! - 2

Lincoln: I'm not bad luck. - 3

Lynn: He's bad luck! - 4

Lincoln: I just hope my bad luck doesn't make your hair go flat. - 5

Lincoln: I'm just afraid my bad luck might cause a clown car collision. - 6

Lincoln: I'd hate for my bad luck to cause a boo-boo. - 7

Lisa: There's no such thing as bad luck. - 8

Lisa: You are bad luck! - 9

Lincoln: Who's unlucky? I'm unlucky! Who's unlucky? I'm unlucky! - 13

Lynn Sr.: We-we can't risk your bad luck spreading to us. - 14

Lincoln: Just another perk of the bad luck life. - 15

Lynn Sr.: but with your bad luck, who knows what could go wrong? - 16

Lincoln: Who's unlucky? I'm unlucky. Who's unlucky. I'm unlucky. - 20

Lola: You're bad luck, Lincoln! - 21

Lincoln: CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, I AM NOT BAD LUCK. - 22

Lynn: If you're not bad luck, - 23

Lincoln: As long as she thinks I'm bad luck, I'm doomed. - 24

Announcer: Talk about bad luck. - 25

Lincoln: I am bad luck! - 26

Lincoln: Lead walls will keep my bad luck from affecting anyone. - 27

Lincoln: I'm not bad luck. - 28

Lincoln: Well, my family doesn't think I'm bad luck anymore. In fact, now they think I'm good luck. - 30

 **Total Sins: 7308 X 220 = 7,662,993,408**

* * *

 **For the next... choose one in season 3 and comment!**

 **Also after this time, I'm just going to copy and paste all scripts from wikia. Since it takes too much time to do it myself. That's fine, right? Sins will be still created.**


	2. Left in Dark

**Everything wrong with**

 **Left in the Dark**

 **In 2k words or less**

 **Spoilers!**

(duh I bet you already watched all)

* * *

Hunter Spector: Do you believe in ghosts? Join me, Hunter Spector, spectre hunter, leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, or ARGGH!

 **C** **heap acronym looking like the spector hunter just came up with this idea while wearing white ghost costume in halloween.** **\- 1**

Lincoln: (marks calendar) it's finally here! the live season of the greatest show!

 **If it was the case, why didn't he mark it earlier? And why is he marking it now, despite the show's now literally a minute left from starting? - 2**

Lincoln: All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself 'Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show.'

 **Common protagonist breaking fourth wall cliche. -** **3**

Lincoln: But tonight, I have a plan. (Breaks out his walkie talkie) Cadet Lincoln calling Cadet Clyde, do you read me?

Clyde: I read you loud and clear!

 **How the *ck does it not make noise? With some toys from houses away? -** **4**

Lincoln: It's time to put Operation Distract My Sisters So That I Can Get to the TV First and Watch the Special Live Season Finale of ARGGH and Think of Shorter Name For This Operation into action.

 **Ha-haha-ha. -** **5**

Lola and Lana: Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartoons!

 **Discount f** **ireboy and watergirl. -** **6**

Lincoln: Did someone say tea party? (reveals a tea pot and a box of cookies)

 **Where did he get that? -** **7**

Lincoln: Not even if these guys are invited? (holds out two frogs)

 **Wait, he was holding tea with both of his hands, where were the frogs come from then? Didn't they run out? -** **8**

Lincoln: You might want to grab your video camera instead. The twins are at it again.

(Lola and Lana fighting)

 **They were together like a second. How the hell did he guess they would be fighting? -** **9**

Lola: You can't come! V.I.P. only!

 **Lana could just give up and watch cartoons with frogs. -** **10**

Luan: This is totally gonna go viral!

 **Luan I doubt you will ever get character development. - 1** **1**

Lincoln: Hey, Lisa. I saved you a trip downstairs and got that stuff you needed.

Lisa: The lactose, triticum protein, sodium chloride crystals, sucrose, and gallus gallus ovum?

 **Female Dexter. - 1** **2**

 **And also, poor script writers who had to look up for all these words. - 1** **3**

Lynn: Teah! two minutes before the game time! Whoo!

Lincoln: Hey Lynn! Check it out! (holds a ball that floats) I filled it with helium for the extreme player who demands more.

 **Obviously just helium is not enough to lift that heavy ball. - 1** **4**

 **And what is she going to do with it? There's no one in this house to play together. Throwing it with herself? It floats, dumb Lynn! - 1** **5**

Lincoln: Oh my gosh, Leni!

Leni: What, is there a spider on me? (nervously rubs her head) Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!

 **Leni didn't even say she will watch TV. And Lincoln you know Leni, she is kind. So what's the deal, white haired monster. - 1** **6**

Luna: Hey, bro! TV tonight is gonna be rockin'! Yeah!

Lincoln: Or, you can have your very own flashlight rock show in your bedroom. (holds out colorful flashlight)

Luna: thanks, Linc!

 **And guitar sound was never heard again. - 1** **7**

Lori: Has anyone seen my phone? I need to live tweet my show!

 **I think there's no difference if you watch it with tv or live tweet... It just gets more laggy. - 1** **8**

Lincoln: "Hey Lori, here's your phone."

 **Where did he get that? Did Lori not notice, even though she keeps it like treasure? - 1** **9**

Lincoln: (sees Lily sleeping, lays her and kisses her) And that makes 10.

 **Poor 11 year old Lincoln can't count -** **20**

Lucy: "You forgot me." (Lincoln fells down)

 **And here's Lucy's old hair that only lasted for one episode. - 2** **1**

 **And he didn't even check sofa before sitting on it? You learned nothing from Luan's whoopee cushion. - 2** **2**

Lincoln: Lucy! I always forget about Lucy!

 **Who turns out to care Lucy the most. - 2** **3**

Lincoln: This is the episode of ARGGH that everyone is going to be talking about at school tomorrow! Please let me watch it?

 **Everyone in the school is interested about some cheap conjuring discount show? - 2** **4**

Lucy: I'm sorry, Lincoln, but you know the rule. I was here(in slow motion)first.

 **Why they would fight if there was rule? - 2** **5**

 **Also slow motion. Good 1990s cartoon style. - 2** **6**

Lincoln: (looks at the remote and licks it) Ha!

Lucy: That's the old remote that Lily threw into the toilet.

 **Then why did you put that here? - 2** **7**

Cuts to Lucy's room, and Lincoln is carrying the old tv hard)

 **Where is Lynn? I said it was not a good idea to play with flying ball. - 2** **8**

Lincoln: How can only two colors be so heavy? (puts it on the bed)

 **But... you could just put it on floor. You think the bed will be okay? - 2** **9**

Lincoln: Here you are. Now to plug it in. So, you can be happy or sad or whatever that emotion is. And I won't be left in the dark.

 **Roll Credits. -** **30**

(All lights turn off)

 **Does he really have no idea that the plug is definitely different shaped? -** **31**

Lori: All right, all right! Everyone calm down!

 **When did everyone come out? Also the parents are doing nothing, and Lily isn't crying despite everyone is in total chaos.** **\- 32**

Leni: Guys! I can't see anything! I think I've gone blind!

Lori: No, you didn't go blind. What the heck happened?

 **'Heck' is the only allowed swear other than dang it, in this show which 5 years old child watches.** **\- 32**

Lincoln: I was just plugging in the old TV for Lucy and it must've made the lights go out.

Lori: Of course it was your fault, Lincoln.

 **And here comes the topic that is always used throughout the whole season 1.** **\- 33**

Luan: Hey! I know why the lights went out! Cause they liked each other!(laughs) Get it? Get it?"

 **Poor translators.** **\- 34**

Lisa: that one was so good, it deserved a cookie.

Luan: Oh, thanks. (eats it) So anyway, what did one bulb say to the other?

Lincoln: You're glowing.

 **How the *ck does that thing work?** **\- 35**

 **Also Luan has been getting Lisa's experiment for like 4 years, and haven't developed awareness.** **\- 36**

Luan: Oh, I already told you that one?

Luna: No dude, you're glowing!

Luan: Hey, wow! (notices she actually is)

 **Which also makes her clothes glow.** **\- 37**

Lori: Everyone step away from Luan. Lisa, Mom and Dad said you're not allowed to use your siblings as experimental guinea pigs anymore!

Leni: Yeah, not after what you did to me!

(flashback, Leni's head is bloated like pufferfish)

 **Yet she somehow returns.** **\- 38**

Lisa: Classic. All I did was infuse the bioluminescent DNA of the Aequorea victoria jellyfish into a cookie. I call them Gloweos. Besides, now we can see.

 **That's like 'if we eat pesticide immune plant, we get immune to pesticide'.** **\- 38**

 **Also how did DNA not burnt when baking cookies?** **\- 39**

Lori: Okay. Everyone huddle around Luan.

Luan: I always knew I was the light of your life.

 **That's actually good joke. I'm removing a sin.** **\- 38**

Lori: Again, in charge, I'll do it. Where is the circuit breaker thingy?

Lincoln: In the basement.

 **'Must go from scary place to scarier place' cliche.** **\- 39**

(the kids arrive in the basement)

Lori: Why am I the only one who has to do this?

Everyone: Because you're in charge!

 **Being in charge means you have to do it yourself... Just take your bossy attitude, and make others do it.** **-40**

Lori: Lisa, give her another one of those cookies. I won't tell.

Lisa: Negative. That was the only one. Prototype.

 **Luna, don't you remember you had flashlight Lincoln gave you?** **\- 41**

 **And also you baked only one cookie at a time?** **\- 42**

Twins: There's a ghost in the basement! (cries)

Lincoln: Guys! I'm running out of time! It's really important that I...I...I... (sighs) fix this. OKAY, QUIET! (everyone stops)

 **The older siblings do nothing here. Which could be triggering if you just watched season 3.** **-43**

Lincoln: Cadet Clyde, this is Cadet Lincoln. Forget the plan. I'm going to need backup.

 **When did he get that?** **\- 44**

Clyde: Cadet Clyde, reporting for duty. (notices Lori) L...L...Lori? RED ALERT. RED ALERT. DOES NOT COMPUTE. CIRCUIT OVERLOAD. MUST ABORT MISSION.

 **Actually good scene. I'm removing a sin.** **\- 43**

 **But wait, how did he get here so quickly?** **\- 44**

Lincoln: (to the viewers) I told you guys it gets awkward. (prepares to enter the basement) I will now descend into the scariest place in the house: the basement. But fear not, with my official ARRGH! branded night vision goggles, I can see in the dark. (goes down but fells)

Lori: Lincoln, are you okay?

Lincoln: The bad news is, my goggles are just a toy, and do not really see in the dark!

 **If you knew, why did you even wore it?** **\- 45**

Lincoln: The good news is they cushioned my face from the hard basement floor!

 **I think goggle is still pretty solid and hard.** **\- 46**

Luan: Hey! I think my video camera has a night vision setting!

 **Then why didn't you pull it out earlier?** **\- 47**

(the scene cuts tto the basement, all sisters are behind Lincoln)

Lincoln: You may want to stay close. There's no telling what could be lurking down here in the dark.

Luan: There's nothing funny about this situation. Although, I do likedarkhumor."

 **And she didn't tell not a single dark humor since then.** **\- 48**

 **You should learn from Lynn's balls.** **\- 49**

Lynn: What is this smell?

Lincoln: It's just Lily with full diaper.

 **When did Lily wake up? If she did, Wouldn't she be surprised at she just opened her eyes but everything's still dark as her future?** **\- 50**

 **Also, Luna says nothing.** **\- 51**

 **And no one complains, or changes her diaper ever after this.** **\- 52**

(another omnious sound occurs, surprising everyone)

?: Lincoln... LINCOLN...

Lincoln: It's a ghost and it knows my name!

(everyone screams out)

Lincoln: I'LL SAVE YOU, SISTERS! (charges at the ghost)

 **You know, Lincoln... ghosts don't have physical appearance. You were watching ghost hunting program like a year, and you don't know it?** **\- 53**

(Lori finds circuit breaker and turns it on, and the lights turn back again)

Lori: Cool it, Lincoln. It's not a ghost. It's just our laundry.

 **It would have been exciting if it was hard floor and Lincoln charged to it with his head.** **\- 54**

(Lincoln looks around, and notices the sound was from his microphone)

 **When did it dropped there? The laundry was pretty far away from stairs, so it doesn't make sense even if he missed it when he fell down.** **\- 55**

Leni: Guys! I still can't see!

 **Why were you even closing your eyes?** **\- 56**

(Lincoln runs up the stairs and gets to TV. He gets remote first and turns it on)

Hunter Spector: WOW! That was by far the best episode of ARRGH! ever! I'd hate to be you if you missed it!

 **How that exact channel appeared at first when he turned on the TV? Lucy was watching vampires. - 5** **7**

 **And also this program is shorter than an hour? I think this accident took less than half an hour**. **\- 58**

Lincoln: (shocked) NOOOOO!

 **NOOOO.** **\- 59**

Lincoln: I can't believe I missed my show... (Lincoln starts to have tears)

 **You see fans? He actually cried in the first episode! But not that emotional type like you wanted.** **\- 60**

Lori: (hands popcorn) sorry you missed your show, Lincoln.

 **When did she bring out popcorn?** **\- 61**

Luan: But you just lived it. Check it out. (plugs her camera to TV, which shows what Lincoln just filmed)

(everyone watches what they just recorded, and Lincoln realizes that he actually lived it)

Lincoln: You know, I may have missed my show. But sometimes, it's not about being there first. Sometimes, It's about being there together. All of us.

 **Common family show ending.** **\- 62**

 **Total sins:** **62**

* * *

 **BONUS ROUND**

 **Lucy's jumpscared people count**

Lucy: You forgot me.

Lincoln: GAH! (fells down) **-** **1**

Lucy: You forgot me.

Lincoln: AAH! (almost fells down) **-** **2**

Lynn: I am afraid of nothing.

Lucy: Boo.

Lynn: AAH! **-** **3**

Lincoln: Sometimes, It's about being there together. All of us.

Lucy: You forgot me.

Everyone: AAH! **-** **13**

 **Total: 62 + 13 =** **75**

* * *

 **BONUS ROUND 2**

 **Lincoln talking to viewers**

Lincoln: All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself 'Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show.' **x1**

Lincoln: For such a landmark event, we decided that it'd be best for us if we watched it separately. **x2**

Lincoln: Like I said, I might not be the fastest, and I might not be the strongest, but to get all of my sisters out of the way, it pays to have a plan. **x3**

Lincoln: You know, I may have missed my show. But sometimes, it's not about being there first. **x4**

 **Total: 75 × 4 =** **300**

 **One sentence: ARRGH**

* * *

 **For our next victim, suggest one from the second season! Don't forget to comment!**


End file.
